Loving yourself has nothing to do with narcissism.....
Recently, between social media and the general popular culture, I have heard the words narcissism and narcissist used again, and again, and again. Some have even begun to wear the terms as badges of honor, proud of a word they believe is a verbal symbol for how much they love themselves. Yet, it seems like so few understand the true meaning. Narcissism is not self love at all. Narcissism is being obsessed with oneself in a desperate attempt to quell the massive amounts of insecurities dwelling within a person's spirit. Narcissist are consistently seeking ways to fix the things they believe are wrong with them. They can not quiet the voice telling them to make sure their hair is in place, to make sure they're saying the right words, to make sure they are being the standard. A person who loves themselves does not do any of this. A person who loves themselves does so not only with knowledge of their flaws, but also the ability to accept the reality that those flaws may never vanish. They love the worst as much as they love the best of themselves. Unfortunately, the now constant focus on being perfect, in so many aspects of life, followed by the damn near requirement that it is all on display (via social media) for others to judge has turned many of us into loudly screeching vessels of self-doubt. Dedicating time to working on ourselves is important, but maintaining a discernment for when to turn it off and focus on someone else is healthy. Be healthy.
It is not about you....
We do not control the thoughts, emotions, nor actions of other people. As mentioned above, the foundation of narcissism positions many to believe the people in their world are acting as a result of them, and their actions. As adults, it just isn't true. We all live inside our own heads. The subjective is immensely more powerful than the objective. Many are battling their own levels of narcissism, and likely are not motivated by you, but by the nagging, starving internal emotions they are trying to feed. We should approach life in the same way people who are self conscious about joining the gym are advised. "Just go in and do what you need to do, because honestly, no one is actually thinking about you." Adults typically have their own affairs of which to agonize. Very few have a greater intent to destroy than they do to build for themselves. Even the villain is typically looking to gain something for themselves. If we can keep in mind the essence of all behaviors stem from a subjective place, we can make the distinction as to whether the people around us have reached a place where they can balance themselves and others. Eventually deciding whether or not the place in which they stand is a well one for us as partners, friends, or family.
Language is crucial to growth....
We expand our thoughts and beliefs based on how much we can absorb from those in which we come into contact. Words are a beautiful way in which we do that. We have all learned to communicate differently as a result of culture, class, life and love. However, the breadth of one's vocabulary is a doorway to foreign ideas and an opening to convey their own. If many can understand, many can be educated. Communication allows one to learn as well as teach. Never put a limit on language, or risk waking up to find yourself drifting further and further from humanity.
There is always something or someone bigger....
Being confident in one's strengths is awesome. There are so many people who question themselves repeatedly, placing themselves in an endless cycle of indecision and uncertainty. It is miserable not to believe in yourself. So, if you have arrived in a place where you believe in you, stand in it, STRONGLY. Now, being confident does not mean forgetting there is always someone or something better. Deference is not a dirty word, and I think we have all learned we can gather good from many of those around us. The lesson however is to learn the unique balance of WHEN to stand, and WHEN to yield. Because if no one has told you, be aware, those who do not know when to stand down, will inevitably be cut down. Typically with the carnage being less than delightful to endure.
Be prepared for the challenge of boundaries...
People love a dealbreaker. Many of us leap excitedly upon our high horse, and spring board from there onto our soap boxes when it comes to vocalizing what we will NOT accept. If a romantic partner does XYZ, I am leaving. If they ever do such and such at my job, I am gone. Friends engaging in "fill in the blank" behavior, finished. This all sounds incredible and immeasurably powerful, until it happens. Talking a good game is the easy part. The follow through is a lot more complicated. Choking on the unappetizing idea of hypocrisy sends shivers down many a spine. While there is nothing wrong with processing beyond old ideals, sometimes it is less troublesome to not only set life's boundaries, but establish ones in which we undoubtedly know we would be willing to act on tomorrow if the challenge was unveiled today. Truly know where you stand.
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