Loyal to my principles....
Loyalty has long been a concept used to guilt one into placing the needs of others, before their own. A loyal employee. A loyal partner. A loyal friend. A loyal son/daughter. These are all phrases enveloped in positivity and favor. We are lead to believe, standing firmly in our carefully cultivated principles, when in opposition to someone or something important to us, is disloyal. The unspoken truth is that there is a hierarchy of loyalty, and a limitation on how far it should reach. Being loyal to one's own morals, ideas, and values should be where allegiance firmly plants it's feet. There is not a job, relationship, or friendship worth being disloyal to oneself. If anyone thinks to even ask you to do such a thing, be very clear, your best interest is never at the root of their request.
The same experience does not equate to the same life....
I have very vivid memories of a number of childhood tragedies. I know the clothes worn, the words spoken, and the smells wafting through the air. But, when I have sat down to discuss the impact of such events with people who were literally standing right next to me in the moment, it is barely remembered. Our brains are amazing machines with the ability to grasp and hold only the possessions of it's choosing. No experience is the same for any two people. It is extremely insensitive and primitive to believe it is. So, if two people can stand alongside another in the very same experience, one barely recalling and the other permanently shaken, imagine how different it is to encounter the same general moment but in different places and different times. Although it is the same, it is not the same. It is a simple concept, but one often overlooked. Allow others to sit in the uniqueness of their lives. You are never going to see it, hear it, or feel it as they do.
The "moral of the story" is rarely rooted in reality....
Some of my favorite movies are romantic comedies. They are pretty textbook and we know "the good guy" and/or the "the good girl" wins in the end. We all love these stories. They are heart-warming and replenish the cup of hope we all long to remain full. I love these movies for the same reasons I have always loved books. They provide an escape. An escape from the truth of reality. In real life, I root for the righteous, the noble, the people who stand firmly on the thick soil of integrity. I root for these people because I know I am not always one of them. I try to remain on the side of the decent, and as Olivia Pope would say, "wear the white hat". However, the reality is I've done my share of devious deeds. The truth is, most of us have. We are all beautifully flawed, and that is okay. You know why? Because even at the end of the story, where the moral and valuable preference is revealed and the crowd all cheers, in real life, even if we do not measure up, we can still win. Sidepieces do become wives. Thieves get the money, and the "bad" guy wins the race. Now, this is not to say go out and fuck shit up with no regard or compassion for the world around you, but instead, give yourself a little grace when you fall short. We all screw it up. It doesn't mean you can not alter a few plays and truly win. We all can't be the good guy, but it does not mean we're the undeserving bad one either.
Vulnerability equals evolution....
Not unlike many, I grew up in a "what happens in this house, stays in this house" environment. Although I vowed to never live my life that way, I have found myself in many a moment holding back. I didn't speak my truth. Sometimes it was because I was afraid of the judgement, other times I was caught up in the crosshairs of "is this my truth?", or "is this also someone else's truth I do not have the right to tell?". Honestly speaking, this is something with which I still struggle. I go over the quote "If you wanted me to speak better of you, you should have behaved better" over and over again in my mind. I try my best to have compassion for those I love and the things they have yet to face. However, as I am writing down my lessons and answering questions about my life in scenarios where I once would have said, "that is none of your business", I am feeling free. You can not shame me, or hold anything against me, because it has already been said and acknowledged allowing me to ascend above it. My spirit pulsates at a higher more peaceful frequency, and it can not be taken away from me. I can allow the only voice that matters to be my Creator and for that feeling I will not only be honest, but I will continue to do my best at bleeding all over every page, pouring all I have into every interaction. Not for anyone else, but for me.
Compromise and tolerance just aren't my cup of tea....
Years ago I saw a video clip of Eartha Kitt regarding the notion of compromise in regards to relationships. I found the video entertaining and I mainly laughed, because I mean, who doesn't love the wit and brashness of Eartha Kitt. However, it only recently dawned on me this is now the only way I am willing to accept any sort of ongoing voluntary interaction with any other human being. The person I have cultivated over the last thirty-eight years is one who I am happy to be. I have my flaws, which I analyze at an annoying length, and I work at them. Now, although I wish to continue to evolve, that is a process ultimately between myself and my Creator. I have absolutely no intentions of altering who I am to please anyone else, and I do not wish to interact with people who are not firm in their belief and power in being uniquely who they may be. In other words I will not compromise who I am to be in your life, and I will not tolerate character I do not appreciate to keep you in mine. If we do not come from the same figurative tribe, than you my friend are a reason or a season. Please relay the message the universe has sent to me via your form and enjoy the rest of your pre-celestial journey. I refuse to spend precious moments attempting to decipher why we do not agree on the fundamental aspects of life. I am comfortable knowing there is no shortage of people who are compatible with my being as I am, as I have already encountered many. Also, I have finally rooted myself in the dirty little secret that even if there weren't, alone, I am enough. Oh and by the way, so are you.
