Twenty Eighteen Taught Me.....February

Your path to happiness does not require approval.....

Traditional norms are nothing more than a suggested blueprint. If we were all born with our own individual purpose, we can not all possibly follow the same plan. Go to school, get a good job, get married, have kids, saddle yourself with mortgage loans and car financing (to of course cement the need to work for the next 30 years or more), retire, and die. Is this what we should all want? Is this what you specifically want from your existence? For me, that plan was trashed long ago. Yet, the outside world keeps yelling those messages around me, that is until I think of who we watch, the people others either attack or want to be. I believe masses of people are mesmerized by the lives of celebrities, those considered sexual deviants, and many with massive amounts of money, simply because they found a way to do it differently. People are amazed by those who did not follow "the plan", likely because it has been drilled into our minds there is only one way. We are almost told we should be ashamed if we choose another route. Currently, the trend is for everyone to claim they give "no fucks", but the statement couldn't be farther from the truth. Social media shows the majority coveting the same places, lifestyles, and possessions, and if you don't want those things, there must be something wrong with you. So many can not even explain conclusively the reason it is those things are wanted. It all appears to be nothing more than brainwashing. Learn to delve deep into your needs, analyze them with the greatest of intensity, and then pursue them with your entire spirit. If there are days when you feel the entire world is against you, or moments where you feel you may have to abandon all the friends and family you dearly love just to grasp a breathe of freedom, then and only then are you likely doing it right. When you reach that point, I am more than certain there is a joy and a peace waiting in rest for your soul, in fact I know it, because I have seen it. We can not be guided to individual satisfaction, it is an unaccompanied journey. Therefore, the permission of another will never open the gate. In place of waiting for someone else's sanction to participate in your inner most joy, make the conscious decision to learn you, love you, and most importantly live you.


Never let the selfish overshadow those who offer nothing but love....

A man from my past died this month. He was not close enough to call a friend, yet I remember him fondly. We went on a couple dates, shared a few laughs, and when I wanted to take the train at ungodly hours he would always insist on driving me home. He entertained all my questions about his occupation, and his history within it, not because I needed to know, but because it had always been one of my interests. He was sweet to me. On the day I found out he died, my buried memories showed themselves and I realized his impact ran a bit deeper than I thought. At the time, mentally I was residing in a sullen space because I was feeling unappreciated by a person I once considered a friend. The feeling was taking up enormous amounts of my internal sphere and energy. Negativity is substantial, and looming, but, so is love, kindness and appreciation. Both sides of the coin are large enough to lay imprints on our subconscious, however it is a mindful task to assign which takes the bigger seat. I found it astonishing a man who did not remain in my life long enough for me to comfortably call friend showed nothing but fondness and I forgot, but an unappreciating "friend" had occupied my mind for longer than I can even recall. I decided in that moment, it would never happen again. Negative energy may not be something I can completely stop from entering my space, however it will never again be allowed to sit front row when I have positivity lingering somewhere in the cheap seats just waiting to be invited down to the floor. I am now deliberately keeping the warmest of memories at the forefront of my thoughts, as they not only serve me best, but are the lesson I want to stand as my tribute to his memory.


Karma is not the universe "getting you back" for an error in judgement....

No one is perfect. I do not believe it is the intent of the universe to punish an individual for behavior simply because it yielded an unintended, unfavorable outcome for another. Consequences and benefits should always be anticipated with all of our actions. Sometimes we luck up and reap all of the benefits, other times we strike out and have to face the consequences. There is a possible positive and negative outcome for every scenario. I personally believe the deciding factor in manifesting our outcome is intention, as much, if not more so than our actions. Any one who has ever studied concepts ranging from the law to science to everyday life knows intention makes all the difference when it comes to the interpretation, and therefore the outcome of our actions. The intricacies of concepts like karma are vast, and should not be reduced to social media quotes and hashtags. Stop telling people "karma" will "get them" because you happened to be a casualty of the circumstances surrounding their choices. Every action is not ill-intended, and therefore does not yield a detrimental conclusion, no matter how badly some of you all would like it to.


Aggression and antagonism are not more powerful than positivity....

In a country which bathes itself in the principle of "being the very best", it is more often than not we encounter others willing to do whatever it takes to "be the best". Many degrade, belittle and even compromise the standards they may have once held high simply to win nothing more than a fictitious race. Challenging oneself to reach a higher level is healthy, and mere evolution, but competition does not have to lack kindness. I suppose it all comes down to the outcome one wants. Sometimes one has to ask, "What kind of impact do I want to leave on the world?". We have all heard the quote "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar", but on a greater scale how does being the honey versus the vinegar propel your own life? If the choice is to be self serving, then that is everyone's right. However, I don't know about you, but I have yet to see a genuinely happy person who only cared about themselves.


Cliches and imitations are enemies of progression....

I watch many people use cliche quotes, and bits and pieces of lectures from people like Oprah as a road map to attempt to reach a place of peace, a place of success, a place of happiness, a place of wisdom. While there is nothing wrong with listening to stories regarding the path of someone else to gather insight, it is important to understand your path, your purpose, they are your own. Accomplishing what someone else has accomplished, in the exact same way they have achieved it is not possible. We are unique, and therefore our journey has to be equally as uncommon. There is no such thing as walking in someone else's footsteps. Have you ever tried to literally walk in someone else's footsteps? If the steps are in a shifting substance like sand, you'll notice the sands moves as you step into it. Once you have stepped into it the footprint is no longer the same. If the substance is immobile, say in the case of hardened cement, likely trying to step perfectly into each footprint will throw one off balance. Life is no different. Copying another's path only throws us off balance, and keeps us standing in the same spot, trying and trying, again and again, to get it right. If growing in your own universe and ascending to your greatest power is the goal, at some point you're going to have to forge your own path.

Twenty Eighteen Taught Me.....January

Evolution is an ongoing entry on my "bucket" list. The things I do, the places I go, the interactions I entertain, I believe they should all propel me forward. This year I have decided I want to evaluate and record all the things I learn month by month. Sure, I could do it in my journal (and I do), but something is nudging me to do it here as well. Maybe someone will read it and help me "unpack" some of these lessons in a more expansive way. So, if you're inclined to coast along with me, hopefully this year, you'll teach me something, or as Jay says, "I'll do that so you don't have to go through that".


If the choice is between money and time, always take the time....

Middle of last year, I left my 9 to 5 to essentially work as a freelancer. When my job on the project I was working on ended after the first week of the year, I had a choice to make. I could wait for another job to start with the same people a few weeks away, or search for something else. If I chose to look for something else, it would possibly put me in a position where I would not be available to take another job with the people I preferred, which for a number of reasons would be more beneficial. Pressed by my instincts, which I have recently vowed to follow, I decided to take the time off. This time off has been one of the most comforting and enlightening periods of my life. It is no less than a set up for all of the things I would like to accomplish in this coming year. If you ever have an opportunity to take a break from the responsibilities of adulting, turn off your anxieties, rest upon your faith, and take the break. There is a reason for it and a blessing we are all not afforded.

Reciprocity in itself is not enough, it must be equal and balanced.....

Life is filled with careers, children, and honestly all around chaos for many. We know we all get busy, we go through things, and we struggle to keep friendships, romantic relationships and family connections wading smoothly through the tides. Everyone knows reciprocity is necessary for healthy interactions, even in places as basic as social media. However, the bare minimum is not enough. Do not ever be convinced it is. Yes, a person may respond to the energy placed before them, but how often? Are you giving eighty to receive a measly twenty of someone's energy in return? People who care for you, people who matter, will show it. Do not accept scraps from someone else's table when you can have a full meal at your own.

Treasure the source of your comfort....

As far back as my memory takes me, I always had a book and a source of music in my possession. Even when all of my possessions where destroyed and I had nothing to claim but an actual roof over my head, the first thing I bought when I finally got a paycheck was a $20 boombox and my favorite magazine (because it was cheaper than a book). I knew as long as I could listen to the radio and read I would be okay. Sure, I could have spent that $25 dollars on something more productive, but for me, it was the most basic way to preserve my sanity. In this last month, I've gone back to reading more than I ever have, and my television is collecting a lot more dust than the record player I own. There was a moment where I found myself engaging in the pastimes of others as a way to be supportive. It brought me nothing but unrest. I say that to remind you and myself, it does not matter if your solace is a DVR full of Love & Hip Hop episodes or ice fishing, do not let it fall to the wayside simply because you are the only one in your circle who likes it. Love what you love, and do it often.

Loving my own company allows me to pour from a cup that runneth over.....

Not getting up and going to a job everyday means spending a fair amount of time alone, at least during the week. Spending time in my own world has never been a problem for me, but to have the span of time I have had this month to pour into myself has made me so much more able to give so freely to those I love. Whether working home alone, or out in the world, I now know a dinner, a movie, or even sitting for a few hours with headphones on to listen to a new album alone has to happen more often. It is necessary if I want to be the most outstanding version of me for the others in my life. I want to give them more than a measly twenty percent of my energy. I want to make time for me, so I can make time for them.

Take care of yourself in ways that feel good internally, not simply for vanity....

I like fashion, tea, a tall glass of cold water, and salads, but I love comfort, coffee, red wine, rich desserts and cheesy, creamy pasta dishes. In the past I have allowed some of the best memories of my life to be spoiled by how unhappy I have been by what I see in a picture following the occasion. I rarely look completely pulled together, and I don't ever "slay" anything. However, I've always enjoyed myself. The memories my friends and family recall always start with "It was the night you said...." or "It was the night you did....", less often "It was the night you wore..." Taking this month to revamp some of my eating and exercise habits, I have come to the realization, I am one hundred percent okay with not being the girl who "slays". It feels good when I go for a twenty or thirty minute run, it doesn't feel good to be sore from nearly two hours of working out five nights a week. Fresh fruits, veggies, and organic meats from a farmers market always make me happier than eating disgusting fast food, but so does a gourmet meal at a great restaurant. Jumping off a cliff into extremes for nothing more than a smaller size dress is not going to ever be okay for me. It's taxing and miserable to maintain. I have a number of healthy habits, and they feel really good for me to partake in, but unfortunately for me, they just do not translate into a size 2. Health is important to me, but so is quality of life. Compromising is just out of the question.


Now let's see what February brings....