Friday, February 2, 2018

Twenty Eighteen Taught Me.....January

Evolution is an ongoing entry on my "bucket" list. The things I do, the places I go, the interactions I entertain, I believe they should all propel me forward. This year I have decided I want to evaluate and record all the things I learn month by month. Sure, I could do it in my journal (and I do), but something is nudging me to do it here as well. Maybe someone will read it and help me "unpack" some of these lessons in a more expansive way. So, if you're inclined to coast along with me, hopefully this year, you'll teach me something, or as Jay says, "I'll do that so you don't have to go through that".


If the choice is between money and time, always take the time....

Middle of last year, I left my 9 to 5 to essentially work as a freelancer. When my job on the project I was working on ended after the first week of the year, I had a choice to make. I could wait for another job to start with the same people a few weeks away, or search for something else. If I chose to look for something else, it would possibly put me in a position where I would not be available to take another job with the people I preferred, which for a number of reasons would be more beneficial. Pressed by my instincts, which I have recently vowed to follow, I decided to take the time off. This time off has been one of the most comforting and enlightening periods of my life. It is no less than a set up for all of the things I would like to accomplish in this coming year. If you ever have an opportunity to take a break from the responsibilities of adulting, turn off your anxieties, rest upon your faith, and take the break. There is a reason for it and a blessing we are all not afforded.

Reciprocity in itself is not enough, it must be equal and balanced.....

Life is filled with careers, children, and honestly all around chaos for many. We know we all get busy, we go through things, and we struggle to keep friendships, romantic relationships and family connections wading smoothly through the tides. Everyone knows reciprocity is necessary for healthy interactions, even in places as basic as social media. However, the bare minimum is not enough. Do not ever be convinced it is. Yes, a person may respond to the energy placed before them, but how often? Are you giving eighty to receive a measly twenty of someone's energy in return? People who care for you, people who matter, will show it. Do not accept scraps from someone else's table when you can have a full meal at your own.

Treasure the source of your comfort....

As far back as my memory takes me, I always had a book and a source of music in my possession. Even when all of my possessions where destroyed and I had nothing to claim but an actual roof over my head, the first thing I bought when I finally got a paycheck was a $20 boombox and my favorite magazine (because it was cheaper than a book). I knew as long as I could listen to the radio and read I would be okay. Sure, I could have spent that $25 dollars on something more productive, but for me, it was the most basic way to preserve my sanity. In this last month, I've gone back to reading more than I ever have, and my television is collecting a lot more dust than the record player I own. There was a moment where I found myself engaging in the pastimes of others as a way to be supportive. It brought me nothing but unrest. I say that to remind you and myself, it does not matter if your solace is a DVR full of Love & Hip Hop episodes or ice fishing, do not let it fall to the wayside simply because you are the only one in your circle who likes it. Love what you love, and do it often.

Loving my own company allows me to pour from a cup that runneth over.....

Not getting up and going to a job everyday means spending a fair amount of time alone, at least during the week. Spending time in my own world has never been a problem for me, but to have the span of time I have had this month to pour into myself has made me so much more able to give so freely to those I love. Whether working home alone, or out in the world, I now know a dinner, a movie, or even sitting for a few hours with headphones on to listen to a new album alone has to happen more often. It is necessary if I want to be the most outstanding version of me for the others in my life. I want to give them more than a measly twenty percent of my energy. I want to make time for me, so I can make time for them.

Take care of yourself in ways that feel good internally, not simply for vanity....

I like fashion, tea, a tall glass of cold water, and salads, but I love comfort, coffee, red wine, rich desserts and cheesy, creamy pasta dishes. In the past I have allowed some of the best memories of my life to be spoiled by how unhappy I have been by what I see in a picture following the occasion. I rarely look completely pulled together, and I don't ever "slay" anything. However, I've always enjoyed myself. The memories my friends and family recall always start with "It was the night you said...." or "It was the night you did....", less often "It was the night you wore..." Taking this month to revamp some of my eating and exercise habits, I have come to the realization, I am one hundred percent okay with not being the girl who "slays". It feels good when I go for a twenty or thirty minute run, it doesn't feel good to be sore from nearly two hours of working out five nights a week. Fresh fruits, veggies, and organic meats from a farmers market always make me happier than eating disgusting fast food, but so does a gourmet meal at a great restaurant. Jumping off a cliff into extremes for nothing more than a smaller size dress is not going to ever be okay for me. It's taxing and miserable to maintain. I have a number of healthy habits, and they feel really good for me to partake in, but unfortunately for me, they just do not translate into a size 2. Health is important to me, but so is quality of life. Compromising is just out of the question.


Now let's see what February brings....

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