Scarred

Above my right eye, just below my eyebrow, is a small groove where hair no longer grows. My little groove thing started out as a huge gash, but over time like any wound it healed. I couldn't have been more than 5 years old and although I still didn't know which shoe was my left and which was my right, I knew I loved Wonder Woman. I had a Wonder Woman headband, a bracelet, and of course my all time favorite, Wonder Woman underoos. Well after my bath one night, after minimal pleading my mom let me wear my Wonder Woman undershirt and underwear beneath my pajamas. I was so excited. I think I really did believe I was Wonder Woman. So, when my mother asked me to go turn off a lamp in the living room I had no choice but to do it like Wonder Woman. So I yelled out "WONDER WOMAN!" and ran down the hallway into the living room, but instead of stopping in time to do as I was told, I crashed right into the all glass end table where the lamp rested. My father, who was in the next room, rushed into the room to see from where the noise came. He looked at me and quietly said, "Leah, come here." My head hurt from what I believed was the impact, but I was ok, so I rose from the floor and walked toward him. He lead me to the bathroom and began patting my head with a towel. Within seconds my mother walked into the bathroom doorway and shrieked in her already soprano voice, "WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!?" as unknown to me, blood was actually pouring down my face. As soon as she cried out I began crying and my father looked at her half annoyed and half defeated. The rest of the night involved a trip to the emergency room, stitches and a root beer lollipop for not crying while they stuck a needle through my forehead (I've always had a pretty high tolerance for pain.....hmmm....we could go some other places with that... BUT...I'll save that for another post).

I tell you this story to ask, just like the question about the chicken or the egg, which comes first? The emotional pain/scar or the physical. I know it sounds a little silly because of course, if something hurts physically, you feel it, it hurts, you yell out "Fuck", nothing more to know or tell, right? Well maybe not. Granted, I felt the impact from the crash into the table, but my mother screaming made me more upset than the actual collision did. I felt more pain from the reaction of someone else than I did from how I truly felt inside. I look at my physical scars, some like the scar on my eyebrow are visible for the world, while others are simply between me and my husband. I am not only happy about that, but also grateful. Although many of us, myself included, do not have major burns or surgery scars there are other kinds of physical scars, like mental illness, living with HIV/AIDS or herpes, or more commonly being overweight (And before you get your undies in a bunch, I do realize all weight is not per se a scar, however in many cases it is....hello, anybody ever watch a big little big hell let's go with a medium sized lady named Oprah?) Many living with very real physical scars "feel" completely ok with themselves, however, once revealed to what are suppose to be friends, family, and the rest of the world at large, there are stigmas and judgment, which create emotional pain greater than anything felt physically. At times, some pass on their own emotional hurt to another in a physical way. As a result, you have people who purposely give sexually transmitted diseases to others, domestic violence, and murder. The alternative for some is to physically harm themselves in the form of drug and alcohol abuse, unprotected promiscuity, and overeating. Being someone who is known among her loved ones as one who does not hold her tongue, I know sometimes you just feel as if some things need to be said. Nevertheless, I always welcome discussion if feelings are ever hurt in any way. Not to mention, with the exception of your typical open forums and group discussions, I really don't randomly appoint thoughts to personal situations I am not asked directly about. Opinions and as a matter of fact judgment are natural to us all, but maybe sometimes (or at least every other Tuesday) we should make the effort to think about where our candid comments can lead, because whether we want to admit it or not usually we are the ones who create the monsters we watch on the evening news.

**THIS HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY WFJS....WOMEN FOR A JUDGELESS SOCIETY...A GROUP TELESE SIMPLY MADE UP**